Five Reasons Why I Thought the Transition from 1 to 2 Kids was Easier than the Transition from 0 to 1
It happened. I blinked and our sweet baby girl is going to be six months old this week. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that she's been a part of our lives for this long. The newborn phase always seems like a hazy memory to me, a mix of adjusting to the new normal and surviving on minimal sleep. When we had our first baby, my son, those initial months felt like a whirlwind of pure bliss and getting steamrolled by a bulldozer at the same time. But now that we've gone through it with our second, my daughter, I can confidently say that this transition was smoother for me as a mom and for our family.
Lately, I've been reflecting on this journey, especially because I had a lot of anxiety about the newborn stage before my baby girl arrived. I desperately didn't want to feel as exhausted and overwhelmed as I did with my first child. Of course, I was thrilled to meet my new baby and experience all of those precious newborn snuggles. But there was a significant part of me that wished the due date wouldn't arrive, just so I could avoid going through that stage again.
Looking back, the transition from having one child to having two was surprisingly easier and more manageable than going from no kids to having my son. I understand that every family's experience is unique, and specific circumstances can make the newborn stage either easier or more challenging. However, I wanted to share why I personally found this second transition to be smoother, as a way to provide comfort to those parents who are expecting or considering adding a second child to their family. I wish I had a someone who could have reassured me, alleviated my anxiety, and shown me that parenting is a journey—one that can sometimes become easier over time.
Reason 1: I Knew What to Expect
During my first pregnancy, the birth, and the early months of motherhood, I was completely clueless about what to anticipate. As a natural planner, I took all the courses, read countless books, and conducted extensive research. But the truth is, nothing can truly prepare you for a life-altering adjustment. It was the strangest sensation to leave my home and the life I knew, only to return from the hospital with a tiny human being that we were responsible for keeping alive forever.
I vividly remember those initial days being incredibly challenging as we struggled to find a rhythm or routine with a baby whose patterns seemed to change daily. Balancing my recovery, learning to breastfeed, and coping with sleep deprivation left me feeling overwhelmed. I was constantly plagued by worries that I wasn't doing things "right."
While I understand that every baby is unique, having my second child brought a sense of familiarity and predictability. For example, I had breastfed before and experienced the recovery process, so I knew what supplies and systems I needed for success. Of course, there were moments when our first baby's experiences didn't quite align with our second, but having a foundation to build upon from our previous journey was a tremendous relief. I had expectations for how those first few months would unfold and how they would feel, and that made the whole experience much easier compared to entering that period with a complete blank slate, as we did with our first child.
Reason #2: I Gave Myself Grace
During my first experience with my son, since I had no idea what to expect, I was determined to regain a sense of normalcy as quickly as possible. I wanted to recover swiftly, establish a feeding and sleeping routine, and rejoin society and leave the house. I found myself constantly striving to reach these milestones and feeling frustrated when I wasn't progressing as fast as I had hoped. There were times when I ventured out, only to feel flustered and exhausted, questioning why I had even left the house in the first place. In hindsight, I realize that by pushing myself so hard, I actually ended up with a more challenging and prolonged recovery.
With my second child, I made a conscious effort to follow the advice I would give to my closest friends during those early days of newborn parenthood. I focused on slowing down and having fewer expectations for myself. My Pelvic Floor PT provided me with a regimen called "in the bed, on the bed, near the bed."
Week 1 PP: “In the bed”- standing up/walking around less than 5 mintues at a time
Week 2 PP: “On the bed”- standing up/ walking around less than 10 mintues at a time
Week 3 PP: “Near the bed”- walking around the house less than 15 mintues at a time.
To be honest, when my PT first shared this plan with me, I audibly laughed out loud. It was a drastic departure from what I had done with my first child, where I tried to be and do all the things. Although I didn’t completely, succeed in this regime with my second child, simply having it in the back of my mind made a difference. I genuinely made an effort to take it easy, alleviate the pressure I put on myself, rest, go at a slower pace, and grant myself grace. Letting go of all the unrealistic expectations was a significant factor in why transitioning from one to two kids was easier for me.
Reason #3: My Life was Already Conducive to Children
Whenever someone asks me how the transition to two children is going, there's one thing I always highlight—my life was already geared towards kids. When my first son was born, it completely turned our lives upside down. Before him, my husband and I lived like any childless couple, enjoying the freedom to do whatever we wanted. We had late nights, made spontaneous plans, and traveled a ton. But once my son entered the picture, everything changed in the blink of an eye. We no longer did things on a whim; instead, we meticulously planned our lives around naps, feedings, and bedtimes. My husband and I now coordinate our travel schedules and opt for early nights in. If it's 7 PM, you'll find us at home—exhausted from merely surviving the bedtime routine. If it's lunchtime, you'll find us once again at home, ready for naptime. And if it's 7 AM, you can bet we're already up, entertaining the kids. These are not the scenarios you would have found either of us in before my son came into our lives.
However, this was our reality even before my baby girl made her grand entrance. Our lives were already aligned with my son's schedule, which made it easy to add another baby to the mix. We didn't have to make a conscious effort to be home for naps or bedtime, or adjust to the idea of sacrificing sleep-ins, because that was already our reality. In this sense, having our second child was much easier because we didn't have to build and adapt to new routines and schedules.
I also believe that this is somewhat normal, but when my son arrived, I couldn't help but mourn my old life a little. Having him was the best thing that ever happened to me, but it still saddened me to give up to the spontaneity and freedom I once enjoyed. With my second child, this transition was smoother because I didn't have to grieve for my old life. Sure, adding a second child brought about changes—most notably, my heart now being divided into two and feeling even more exhausted—but these adjustments were easier for me to adapt to compared to when I had my first child.
Reason #4: I Accepted More Help
Some might label me as a control freak, and I've always taken pride in believing that I can handle whatever comes my way. When I was pregnant with my first child, I anticipated that motherhood, particularly the newborn stage, would be challenging, but I was convinced that my husband and I could handle it. And you know what? We did manage to handle it, but that doesn't mean it wasn't tough. Looking back, I wish I had been more open to accepting the help that was offered to us. It truly does take a village to raise children, and just because we accepted assistance doesn't mean we were incapable or any less of parents in any way.
With my second baby, I made a conscious decision to embrace all the help that came my way. Friends brought us meals (which, honestly, was the most appreciated gesture during that time), and I asked my parents to stay for an extended period during those early weeks to lend a hand with both kids while I focused on recovering and my husband resumed work. Not only did the support make everything feel more manageable, but it also alleviated the sense of isolation I sometimes felt in those early days. Knowing that I wasn't alone on an island made a world of difference.
Reason 5: I Didn’t Feel Like a Newbie
Along the same lines of knowing what to expect, when I gave birth to my second child and brought home a newborn, I didn't experience that same sense of "I have no idea what I'm doing" that I felt with my first. I can vividly recall the overwhelming feeling I had when trying to breastfeed my first—I read every article out there and attempted various tactics. Looking back on that time, I can't help but think I was a bit of a crazy person! My husband and I had these elaborate rituals we would follow in the middle of the night to try to feed the baby and get him back to sleep. In the moment, we were trying to figure it all out and establish healthy sleep habits, but now I wonder, what were we really doing? I think I overcomplicated things and worried far more than necessary.
The second time around, those early days felt easier because not only did I know what to expect, but I also had a better grasp of what I was doing—or at least what had worked with my first child. I no longer felt like a newbie parent; instead, I felt like a seasoned professional. Of course, things were different with the second child, especially with a toddler to care for simultaneously, but I had a sense of what truly mattered and what didn't. (And I didn't wake up every few minutes to check if my baby was still breathing.)
The thought of bringing home a newborn while having a toddler at home can be overwhelming, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that the actual experience seemed easier compared to my first child, all thanks to my previous experience and practice. It's comforting to know that adding more children to your family doesn't necessarily mean that things become exponentially harder.
For anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation, expecting a second child, I want to offer some reassurance: I genuinely found the transition to be easier the second time around. Now, I understand that every baby and every situation is different, but having gone through it before, you have a sense of what to expect. You're a seasoned parent, equipped with valuable experience, and you can lay the groundwork to set up your new life for success. These are the reminders I'll hold onto when, hopefully, we have another little one and the anxiety and overwhelm start to creep in. Remember, things don't always have to be hard, and even if they are, you've got this!
I hope sharing my perspective has been helpful, and I'd love to hear about your own experiences transitioning from one to two kids. Until next time, XXX McKenzie.